- Forrest Wilder
was born in Dystopia -- Yorktown,
Texas -- a
one-horse town with two stoplights. Sign visible upon
entering town: "Heart of Future State Prison Expansion".
Forrest spent his formative years whittling on sticks,
fishing for gar, and burning brush. He joined his parents
in their travels around Texas, bringing fine porcelain
stoneware to Texans from Canton to Kerrville, Midland to
Beaumont. Forrest's father bought him his first gun he
was twelve. Forrest shot
his first mockingbird
when he was twelve. His other crimes include picking
bluebonnets, poisoning pecan trees, talking back to
authority, and speaking polemically.
political history can be summarized as follows (in rough
chronological order): Republican, Democrat, Libertarian,
Ayn Rand-ite apolitical, scientific elitist, socialist,
primitivist, eco-anarchist, Green,
progressive populist, reactionary, authoritarian, and
good ol' American subversive. He now hopes that
defect to Texas and bid for an appointment to the UT
Board of Regents. You can find Forrest's political
screeds blemishing the pages of The
Forrest would like to officially express his ambivalence
towards gun control. He loathes the NRA,
but equally dislikes the ATF, FBI, and the U.S.
military-industrial complex. He thinks it's rather
pointless to have armed civilians who 1) hate the
government simply because of the tax system, and 2) own
.38s in order to protect themselves from the federal
government, which has a $350
billion dollar defense
Forrest thinks it's silly to pit rifles and pistols
against a professional army, marines, navy, air force,
and coast guard with the most advanced technology in the
- Art is the
reflection of our collective epistemological
courage. Forrest's earliest artistic endeavors include
managing and directing the affairs of 10-20 red ant, fire
ant, and sugar ant colonies. (Note: In a battle between
scorpions and red ants, the red ants invariably win.
There is no such thing as a Pyrrhic victory for ants.)
Forrest has set mannequins on fire as an act of
deconstruction against the artistic Establishment. He has
created a veritable archipelago of web sites that have,
at various junctures, been mistakenly attacked by the
Anti-Defamation League, fairly condemned by the
justifiably admired by millions. High school theatre
provided Forrest with the opportunity to study
primadonnas in a welcoming anthropological atmosphere.
His starring role was as the Turkish Knight in a
brilliantly-written children's play by some hack in
Indiana. His singing credentials are tarnished by
imitations of Lou Reed, David Bowie, Belle
and countless Brit-rockers. His most famous self-penned
ditty is entitled "The Sloppy Solipsist in D-minor
(Andante)", and is most notable for its admirable lack of
pretense. Most recently, Forrest played an anarcho-Green
in the inspired Activist Monologues, a short
mockumentary about campus activism.
- Forrest would
like to thank Contumacy, Scott Peitzer, Larry Faulkner,
Plan II students, Knighthood of Buh!, the Board of
Regents, Diesel Jeans, Alan Jackson, the IMF and World
Bank, Fox News, and the APD
for making his life meaningful.
- Forrest would
also like to thank Campus Coalition for Peace and
Justice, University Anarcho-Greens, UT-Watch,
Monkeywrench Books, the Depew Crew, Royal
Kerbey Lane Cafe, H-E-B, Mumia, Noam Chomsky, Naomi
Klein, Ghandi, SDS, Fred Hampton, Weather Underground,
Woody Guthrie, Emma Goldman, black bloc, Fugazi, the
Coup, NOWAR Collective, indymedia.org, Texas Observer,
Mother Jones, Metro Espresso Bar, Wimberley Senior
Citizen Thrift Store, Tom Hayden, Radiohead, D.A.
Dostoevsky, Nietzsche, Camus, Revolutionary Association
of Women of Afghanistan, and RhysandJoe.
- Forrest would
like to thank: his parents.
- In 3 months time
look for the revolutionary new website: utwatch.org